Friday of last week was a really tough day. It was just like any other Friday, except for the fact that I had decided to taper off my anti-anxiety medication, and I was feeling it a LOT. I think it accounted for the somewhat scattered "OHMYGOD bridesmaid dresses!" post, and quite a few frantic tweets.
A little history. I've been a very anxious person all my life. I'm not someone who can just take a deep breath and calm down - I wish it were that simple! Instead, I spent my life feeling tightness in my hands and not being able to really get perspective on how to handle the day-to-day crises life sometimes tosses our way.
In 2006 I elected to start taking Lexapro, a medication that targets anxiety rather than depression. It worked wonders for me. My boss at the time, my ex-boyfriend - they all commented on how much BETTER I was handling things - so I figured Lexapro was going to be my buddy for the foreseeable future.
Five years down the road, the Lexapro was still working great, but I started to feel like I was getting too few highs and lows. It was hard to get really ramped up and exuberant for things, and I missed it. I was also afraid that I would miss that excitement that should happen for the wedding and honeymoon.
So I'm taking it back. I saw my doctor last Monday and we decided to taper me off the Lexapro. She prescribed Wellbutrin for me, but I haven't started taking it yet. Wellbutrin is a different class of drug, so it shouldn't affect me the same way the Lexapro does. However, I wanted to see what life was like off the Lexapro; I wanted to remind myself how the highs and lows felt.
I admit, the thought of not being on anti-anxiety medication scares me a bit. I know I have the option of going back on it if I want to, and if the wedding planning starts really affecting my ability to sleep, I will. Until then, I'm going to try life drug-free and see if spontaneous giggles happen a lot more often.
I'm still tapering off the Lexapro, and probably will for at least another week. I hope there aren't any more really bad days (I don't even know how to describe the feeling, but it was weird!). So bear with me. And tell me YOUR stories if you've chosen to try and do the same.
Are you handling your wedding drug-free (if you've used SSRI type drugs in the past)? How does your pre-wedding anxiety treat you?